Pain brings out the poet in me.
The moment I left you, hung up too quick to even hear you finishing saying “kocham cie” I already started to die a little inside.
I had to go, though I wasn’t quite leaving yet, the pain wasn’t strong yet enough for my discomfort to overcome me.
I got changed and went to lay on the couch in wait.
Pills not yet taking action, 500 just waiting.
I curled up, starting to quietly weep, I couldn’t help but do so as my guts tore up inside.
It really wasn’t all the bad, I was just uncomfortable to say the most.
Even though the discomfort was something so strong I wanted to vomit up my insides and have the pain be nothing more than a ghost.
But more than that I simply wanted to lay with you holding me closing.
Sing to me a lullaby, that you’ve sung many times before.
You’re the only one that I wanted to sing to me, ever before.
My choice in love was like me peering at my suitors through a peep hole in the door.
One by one they’d all come and knock, waiting for me to open my door.
I’d peer out, but I had never opened my door; not even just a crack.
Then one day you were on the other side and there was no going back.
I opened my door, kept shut for 18 years, just for you.
But when I opened that door I realized; you weren’t actually there, and I wasn’t too.
We could close and open that door as many times as we wanted, but I won’t be there when you open it, and you won’t be there when the doors opened on my side.
Too far apart we were, the door our portal but only when kept shut.
The one I want too far for my door to be there for, so now what?
We long for each other, simply waiting for the day we can finally meet.
I never opened my door for so many; simply for you and you only.
Yet no matter how many times I open and shut that door, even though I can see you on the other side; you’re not actually there.
I want you here with me.
To hold your hand and to brush my hand against your smiling cheek.
Just to be with you but neither of us can be.
My longing for you, while knowing I can’t have you, just tugs at my heartstrings while I’m already in pain.
Curled up on my couch with tears streaming down the side of my face and there’s absolutely no doubt.
You are all I want from life, you’re my happiness and joy.
There’s nothing more that I want right now, than to simply lay my head in your lap and have you sing to me once more.